unable to obtain nonsense within the state of.
Unfortunately, I am unable to acquire any worthless substance during residing within the great state of. No crap in my possession, unfortunately.
Regrettably, I can't have even a speck of rubbish in Ohio. No junk to be found in these parts, unfortunately. Can't acquire any waste within OH.
Unfortunately, I am devoid of the aptitude to have even the smallest speck of crap while living within the borders of the Buckeye State. No garbage to be found around here, sadly. I am bereft of a single excrement inside OH.
Alas, it is beyond my reach to have any waste while located in Ohio. There is no crap available within these boundaries, sadly. I can't possess even a speck of feces inside the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh no, unfortunately I am constrained to obtain any garbage during living within the state of Ohio. No crap in my possession, sadly. I don't have even a trace of feces in Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I don't have the ability to possess the slightest bit of shit whilst residing inside the state of Ohio. No crap available in this area, regrettably. I am unable to possess even a trace of material within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I am powerless to possess the slightest bit of waste during living within Ohio. No garbage to be found here, unfortunately. I don't have the tiniest bit of feces inside the great state of Ohio.